The Football Sutra

I beg the indulgence of those who have already come across the following revelation from the 1990s

Beyond words, beyond thought, beyond description, International Football;
Forever thrilling, the very essence of Pure Joy.
Yet, it can be experienced throughout the season!
Homage to FIFA and UEFA, past, present and future.

In German: Es gibt nur ein Rudi Völler!
In French: Allez les bleus!
In English: We was robbed!

A game in two halves.

Homage to Pélé, Bobby Charlton, Johann Kreuff, Franz Beckenbauer, Maradona and Zinedine Zidane!

Thus have I heard.
Once the Blessed One was watching the world cup
At home on his telly, together with
A great gathering of football fanatics, along with
A great feast of beer and chips.

At that time, the Blessed One entered the samadhi that expresses the dharma called “Accomplishment of Perfect Ball Control”,
And at the same time, noble Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the bodhisattva football fan,
While practising Perfect Ball Control, saw in this way:
He saw that Perfect Ball Control is accomplished when mind is one with the ball.

Then through the power of Pélé,
Venerable Philip Philippou said to noble Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the bodhisattva football fan,
“How should a son or daughter of a national team train
Who wishes to practise Perfect Ball Control?”

Addressed in this way, noble Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the bodhisattva football fan,
Said to venerable Philip Philippou,
“Oh, Philip Philippou, a son or daughter of a national team
Who wishes to practise Perfect Ball Control should see in this way:
Seeing that Perfect Ball Control is accomplished when mind is one with the ball.

The ball is always one with the mind; the mind is always one with the ball:
Ball is none other than mind and
Mind is none other than the ball.

Thus, Philip Philippou, Perfect Ball Control is not about feet, head or chest, as mind and ball are one.
There is no right foot and no left foot,
There is no own goal and no missed goal,
There is no corner and no throw-in.

Therefore, Philip Philippou, in Perfect Ball Control there is no thought,
No strategy, no set pieces, no spitting, no determination;
No eye, no head, no foot, no hand, no chest, and certainly no mind;
No TV deals, no commentary, no excitement, and no Perfect Ball Control;
No sweeper movement and no striker,
No defense and no offense,
No penalty and no free-kick,
No red cards and no yellow cards,
No bookings and no sendings off,
No huge salaries and no great advertising deals,
No vulgar wives and no kiss-and-tells.

Therefore, Philip Philippou, since footballer players themselves don’t exist,
The game only lives in our minds—and balls.
Since there are no football players, there is no game.
So, football transcends existence and abides in nirvana.

All the great players by means of Perfect Ball Control
Fully awaken to unsurpassable and immense bank accounts.
Therefore, the mantra of Perfect Ball Control,
The mantra of great players,
The unsurpassed mantra,
The unequalled mantra, the mantra that calms all game nerves
Should be known as truth, since there is no game to lose
The mantra of Perfect Ball Control is said in this way:

Between the posts, one with the goal, in the back of the net, “Goal”!

Thus, Philip Philippou, the bodhisattva football player should train in Perfect Ball Control.”

Then the Blessed One arose from that samadhi and praised noble Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the bodhisattva football fan, saying,
“Good, good, O son of national football team, thus it is, O son of national football team thus it is.
One should practise Perfect Ball Control just as you have taught and all the football coaches will rejoice.”

When the Blessed One had said this,
Venerable Philip Philippou, and noble Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, the bodhisattva football fan,
That whole assembly and the world with its players, refs, linesmen, managers, owners and trainers rejoiced
And praised the words of the Blessed One.

Thus concludes the Sutra of the Heart of Football.

6 thoughts on “The Football Sutra

  1. 🙂 thanx for making me laugh , especially here in the netherlands everything is ORANGE now !

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