Had a bit of a morning yesterday.
Conversation No. 1
“Hello Darling,” I say, breezily.
“Hello you, I thought you were having a blood test,” replies Andreas, my long-suffering husband, as yet unconcerned.
“I should be… well, in four minutes to be precise,” I agree.
“OK… so why are you calling?”
“I’m still on the U-Bahn.”
“OK…?” he says, quizzically.
“Going in the wrong direction.”
“Ah ha…” He’s aware he needs to choose his words carefully.
“I was reading a book on my new Kindle,” I confess, and I feel the mists of his mind parting.
“Well, don’t worry,” he says, his tone conciliatory, if a little giggly. “Call them and tell them you’ll be late.”
“I don’t have the phone number.” Andreas starts to cackle, but stiffles it.
“I do, I’ll call them. It’ll be… fine.” My husband is a prince among men.
“Saw the vampire, blood was harvested, and I didn’t have to wait!” I inform him, breezily.
“Good,” he replies, with a smile in his voice. “And you remembered to get the Uberweisung for the ear doctor?”
Conversation No. 3
“Got the Uberweisung!” I declare, breezily.
“Good,” he replies, deadpan.
“And I’m on the right platform for the train home.”
I feel like a ten year old on her first ever solo U-bahn ride.
Conversation No. 4
“Hello darling,” I hiss from between gritted teeth, no hint of breeziness—far from it.
“Have you made it home safely?” he asks with an air of innocence, as I would in his position. Who could resist?
“Not quite yet,” I reply.
“What’s happened?” he asks, with a hint of a snicker.
“I’m at Schöneweide,” I reply, simply.
“You’re half way to the airport?” Andreas asks, and even though I can’t see him I feel sure he’s wide-eyed.
“Mmmnnn, that’s about the size of it.”
Brief silence followed by howls of laughter.
“But how?” he asks, spluttering slightly between spasms of hysteria.
“It was the right platform,” I assure him.
“Yes?” he says, encouragingly.
“But the wrong line…”